I've gotta let you in on a little secret.
i don't know what the hell i am doing... i never do.
People think I'm so put together and that everything goes the way that I want.
Hello, um hello?
tap. tap. tap. is this thing on?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING.
I struggle every single day. Its a conscience effort to get up and on with my day in the morning.
Toughie says that I'm a real drag lately. thanks. thanks a lot for that.
as if i didn't already struggle with every other fucking thing in my life going my way.
but anyway. i digress.
My tummy is in knots. like literally, in knots. Ok, maybe not LITERALLY!
But, I'm freaking OUT! It's been a really, really, really, really long time since I've wanted something so bad.
Last year, my only resolution was to compete and complete a triathlon. Which was a huge deal considering that I hadn't swam since high school and had never rode a bike with gears. But, my back injury halted my training for almost 6 weeks and it was SOO hard to get back to where i was. So, I put my goal aside.
For 2014, I've decided that this is the year. This is the year that I just do it.
What's stopping me? Just me! That's it! I'm getting the fuck out of my own way and just DOING IT!!!
Nike's slogan never ever felt so relevant to my life.
just do it.
i will. thanks Nike. i will.
But, this does not mean that I'm not nervous or scared. I can't sit still. But, I'm also so freaking excited! Like a 5 year old girl going to Disneyland for the first time. I'm going to pick out my outfit and can't wait to wake up tomorrow for what will probably be the mentally toughest thing I've put myself through.
I describe it to not active people as having a first date with the really cute guy you've been eyeing at your favorite coffee shop for over a year. You make sure to leave your house 10 minutes earlier than you need to because otherwise you'll miss him. You love it when he wears that blue plaid shirt, you can tell its sorta out of his comfort zone, but it makes his yes really pop. You've had this crush for over a year and can count the words you've exchanged. So every week day you can't wait to wake up and see your daily vitamin. You dress a little nicer, fluff your hair a little higher. And sometimes you are even sad that the weekend is here.
But one day, he calls you by name. After that you exchange a few trivial conversations and you long for the one day that you'll be able to see him outside of this cafe.
Well, this tri is a lot like that! Are you looking at me like, wha-what in the hell??
I've wanted this for so long. I've had to train and learn how my body works in certain situations. And he finally asked me out. My date is tomorrow morning. And I'm scared shitless because I've wanted to have this one chance for sooo long. I'm scared I'll screw it up. That he won't really like what I wore to the date. But, I'm also excited beyond ANYTHING I've wanted in adulthood. I'm excited for what this possibility could mean. How this one date can change my life. Its crazy, right?
One day can't change your life. oh yes. yes it can.
I'm soo ready for this.
